false alarm. still invincible.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
