Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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