i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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