why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
