He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
