My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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