ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
