I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
two words: eviction party
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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