Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He better not be in your backpack
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
