I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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