Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
how does that bad decision feel?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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