Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize