Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
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