I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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