Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
