Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
