Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
