Princesses don't give blow jobs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
