ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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