My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
