Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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