And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
