Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize