she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
