Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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