I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
