Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
