If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
