Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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