I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
