hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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