Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
