how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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