i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
