by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize