the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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