I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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