I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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