You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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