she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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