I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
