But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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