corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
