If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
