I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize