Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
