She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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