They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
