Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
should my penis look like a turkey
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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