Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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