I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
