If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
