So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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