Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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