Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
