Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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