i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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