Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize