Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
