I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
