This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
