can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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