I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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