So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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