I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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