Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
