I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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