Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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