i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
