At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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