the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
