Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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