Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
