The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
