i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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