Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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