well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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