Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
