I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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