Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
