i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize