we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
