but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
