i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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