Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize