Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
