dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
