the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck appropriateness.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize