I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
