What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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