her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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