I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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