If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
