she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
