i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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