Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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