In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
