I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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