Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
