Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
