Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
