you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
