Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
