I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize