i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
