well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
