I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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