Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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