I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
