i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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