I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
