Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
