remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
