she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
