Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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