If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the day after is always just damage control
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
