Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
