I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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