I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
